Zombie Ass, the Toilet of the Dead… You know what you are getting yourself into. And so beware dear-weird-moviers because this review is going to be “Danga’ Muvi“… which according to the trailer means ‘danger movie’. All images are belong to Noboru Iguchi (director), Nikkatsu and Geneon Universal Entertainments (distributors), used for educational purposes to… teach you not to… I don’t know.

Mr. Towelhead regrets to review:

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Zombie Ass

Beware dear weird-movie-goers!

Zombie Ass is a 2011 Japanese fart-jokes, softporn, zombie apocalypse parody, tentacle-porn tryout (with live underpaid pornstars fighting really bad computer animations). If the movie’s definition is enough to make you vomit… rest assured, it only gets worse. It was written and directed by Noboru Iguchi with the help of a bunch of poor bastards.

Concept

To be honest with you, I saw this thing from beginning to end in Japanese, no subitles (I don’t know Japanese). Sincerely, I doubt it mattered. Concept-wise… Well, I’ll try to make sense of it. The basic idea is to tickle the inner hentai otaku in all of us.

Oh, you don’t know what that means… well lets just say it implies an unhealthy obsession with animated phallic tentacles doing ALL sorts of naughty things with Japanese girls in school uniforms. If that is not pleasing to you… avoid this movie. On the other hand, if you like hentai, this movie is so badly done it does that genre no service.

The whole “story” is an excuse…

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… to see horribly animated tentacles fondling “cute” girls.

Story

Believe it or not there is a story behind. A crazy scientist is making crazy experiments with zombies, school girls and phallic tentacles that burst out of the zombies’  asses. When suddenly a group of “hot” teenies get lost in the zombie infected woods. Chaos ensues.

A group of stupid teenies, zombies and a crazy doctor…

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… how f***ing original.

There seems to be a subplot about a traumatic experience when the protagonist was younger, but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the overall movie. And the claw-mouthed zombie-making-creatures seem to have rules as to how they work, but they are stupid for the sake of shocking the audience. First you have “normal” zombies and later they become contortionist zombies with clawed tentacles coming out of their rectums. Good times :S

Images

This is where the movie becomes a true nightmare. The story and all could have been just bad and tada… But the visuals you’re confronted with are just … revolting to say the least. Seeing a good looking girl half-naked fighting a monster is good and all. But seeing her fly through the air propelled by the power of her farts is… well not sexy, not cool, not even funny. Just plain stupid.

I’ve said already and I’ll say it again. The acting and animation are abysmal, even for Trash-movie-standards.

Oh yeah, and we have this guy…

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Who I guess could be funny… with a better director, script and f***ing haircut.

Most of the actors seemed like they were not enjoying the production as well, it made the whole thing even more uncomfortable, like on a meta level.

Verdict

The biggest problem with this piece of crap, is that it aspires to be only shit. It aims to become a bad movie, that is so bad its good. And it fails. Its just plain bad. No doubt some people were high enough to laugh at how ridiculous everything was, and no doubt some thirteen year-olders were aroused by the “hot” girls in ripped school uniforms. Some people will defend this shit, but then again some people eat shit.

For everything that could have been funny, gory or even sexy, the movie slaps you in the face with bad acting, bad CGI, terrible comedic timing and stupid fart jokes.

Oh look, a good looking girl taking a shit… how arousing :S

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Lets linger on this total bullshit for like the entire first act of the movie. I am sure the audience will appreciate it.

Mr. Towelhead is not happy:

2 / 10

The charm of movies that are “so bad, they’re good” its the sincere effort behind them. Things like Birdemic or The Room were (probably) not meant to be comical, yet the inexperience of the producers resulted in some unintentional hilarity. Zombie Ass is a half-assed effort to rob you of your money and time.

And by all means… Rest assured: There are better porn, hentai and zombie-parodies out there.

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