Greetings! Dear weird-movie-goers, this is your host Mr. Towelhead with another Weird Movie Review! Tonight we take a REALLY weird trip down the naughty side of humanity. A Jodorowsky abomination by the name of “Santa Sangre”, a weird movie through and through. All images are belong to Alejandro Jodorowsky (director) and Mainline Pictures (distributor), used for educational purposes to f* our minds. :D

Mr. Towelhead reviews:

santasangre_cover

SANTA SANGRE

So this thing is a 1989 psychotic, surreal, supernatural, thriller directed and written by Mr. Jodorowsky. In case you don’t know, Jodorowsky is known because he is: 1. NUTS, 2. Original He likes to make crazy stories (with hints of fairly decent concepts), completely devoid of clichés, un-compromised by society’s conventions… and 3. Traumatized I don’t if he was raped as a child (or maybe he wished he were raped or something) but his stories are FILLED with like Jodo-represed-sexual-desires he couldn’t fulfill; that is, devious “taboo” sex acts and concepts, particularly incest. “Santa Sangre” is no exception, it is crazy, original and trying too hard to be devious.

Concept

The thingy is a psychotic journey through the mis-adventurous life of the protagonist as a child and young adult. The story is told in flashbacks, scenes of the present and scenes that you could call flashforwards… sort of. Basically explaining why the dude is crazy, and how the good crazyness helps him defeat evil. Sounds good? I don’t know :S

Story

Without ruining the plot of this magnificent Oscar-worthy movie: “Santa Sangre” presents us with a crazy protagonist name Fenix, who is like really nuts, sabering in a force jacket, climbing a tree naked and what not, we then see his story as a child. Fenix belonged to a bizarre circus family. An obese and obscene knife-throwing father and a trapeze acrobat and crazed cult leader as mother, for starters. And more crazy dudes. A tragedy separates the protagonist from his love-interest and drives him crazy.

It’s a plane! No, it’s a bird! NO! Its the nutty protagonist D:

santasangre_crazy

But I must admit that this scene, is one of the few really decent/creepy ones :D

Then we go back to the present to witness the protagonist recuperating his sanity thanks to his mother. Mother and son create a new (and fairly bizarre) show to get their lives back on track. Everything is happiness until a serie of murders plunges the protagonist into a dark quest for sanity, freedom and finally redemption. Yet again, this sounds pretty cool and what not. But it FAILS on execution. Laisse-moi vous expliquer:

Images

Jodorowsky is not the best director eva’ but he certainly has crazy ideas, it’s just a shame that he is not a good director (and writer) to execute this ideas with the coolness they deserve. The knife-throwing father has a weird show that is more erotic than anything else, BUT the hooker, love-interest of the father is fat, ugly and a TERRIBLE actress. The erotic scenes are SO unflattering you want to burrow your head in the earth and die.

Oh MAN! Make it stop! And bare in mind, dear readers that…

santasangre_penaajena

… this is by far not the most explicit and blunt you’ll see of this hooker/actress thing

When the protagonist’s pet (an elephant) dies (for no particular reason) they make a funeral march in honor of the pet, yet they through the corpse off a clip at the end. And so poor people living at the bottom of the valley go to the corpse and hack the elephant to bits which they take home to eat. The whole was far from horror, cool or art/bizarre, it was sad, poorly shot and vomit inducing like the first time you ever saw a “backyard-redneck-cyst-removal-operation” Internet clip. At the least the backyard-cyst-removal videos are easier to masturbat…. erhmmm, I mean they made me giggle.

You also get your fair share of controversial: with handicapped children taking drugs and “mother” and “son” at second base. This last thingy, at least gets close to being truly erotic, as the mother/actress is kind of hot, yet the movie-directing and the acting is SO BAD, you end up feeling wrong, revolted and uncomfortable.

Mami is waiting to give you a hug, oh wait …

santasangre_mami

Blanca Guerra as crazy, armless, hot-mom is the only decent actor in the wjole movie… S:

Verdict

Well, there is not much more to say. I am far from a Jodorowsky fan, I can only recognize that as a weird-movie-goer, he is one of the “big names” in the weird-movie-industry. Being subjective I would tell you to run away from “Santa Sangre” and do something MORE productive with your time, like seating in your coach and dying. But being objective.

Mr. Towelhead needs a long warm shower after this one:

4 / 10

The movie has its truly creepy moments, and some fairly original and disturbing ideas, in the hands of a better director the movie could have been a neat horror experience. Then again there are plenty of silly, dumb, devious and bluntly said f*ed up moments with little to no artistic charm to them. You can say what you want about dudes like Quentin Tarantino (he’s mentally sick, horny, desperate, a copycat, etc.) BUT, he is a very good film director. AJ (alejandro jodorowsky) is just a push-over (in my opinion), at best an unconventional story teller who should be humble enough to accept help (in script writing and movie directing).

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