Word of advice. IT HORROR! O.k. its a horror movie!

Mr. Towelhead analyzes a weird movie for once (my original purpose) instead of these popular mangas and video games. Word of advice, the Book of Blood is a “horror” movie about the paranormal. So if that’s not your cup of tea, you may also want to skip this review. All images belong to Essential Entertainment (I guess) and to the people the faces belong to, at least for as long as they stay on their skulls. Used to demonstrate how … meh of a movie Book of Blood really is.

Mr. Towelhead reviews:

bookblood_cover

THE BOOK OF BLOOD

As usual, the usual info. The Book of Blood is a 2009 British film, who’s genre is (get ready): horror-drama-mistery and I may add relationship-drama and tales of the crypt style. The movie is produced by some dude called Clive Barker, so if that tells you something, well I guess… good for you. Directed by John Harrison and starring Jonas Armstrong in the role of a traumatized bad actor, and Sophie Ward in the role of a really bad tales-of-the-crypt hostess. But I’m getting way too much ahead of myself. Lets analyze this weird piece of boredom… movie, this MASTER PIECE of horror step by step.

STORY

To be honest the concepts of how the dead interact with the living in this movie are pretty well developed, if such a thing can be said. It’s a shame that such, mythology is surrounded by a movie that has, at the end of the day, little to do with said concepts. For the first part of the movie, the story revolves around the search for the paranormal. O.k. so far so good. Miss Sophie W. is a rather unstable woman looking for proof of the paranormal (for some reason I can’t remember) and finds a creepy little kid who is, supposedly, visited by the paranormal.

Somewhen along the line, the movie turns into a relationship-drama (barely touching on the subject). She falls in love. But then, “Oh no!”, a misunderstanding happens. So they break up. And suddenly. TA DA! The paranormal really exists. And so they get together again. And you probably are thinking: “What does this have to do with horror?”

Ah, the hopes for this movie. All it had to do was give us a good horror story, with some creepy stuff, instead we are drowned in the melodrama of a relationship… drama.

miss sophie

The last part of the movie takes a REALLY strange twist. Miss Sophie W. becomes a “Tales of the Crypt-TV-Hostess-Author”-thingy and sells the stories she gets from the creepy kid, while the kid is being tortured by the dead. Which may even sound bizarre (so bad it’s almost good) but instead, we are simply told such developments. And then the movie ends in a way that nothing in particular changes.

For no reason at all (other than the script telling her to) Miss Sophie becomes a crazy woman and skins her former love-interest (not alive by the way because that would be awful, I mean really whats wrong with you) and continues her stupid show on TV… roll credits. AND by the way, you don’t get to see the skinning. That would have given you some sort of chill, at least value for your money.

wut

I like my chicharrones well done if you dont’ mind

DIALOGUE & GENRE

There is nothing in particular that I really liked in the movie, the only thing is the quote explaining how the dead interact with the living according to the Book of Blood movie. Which is neat. Still not enough to compensate for an extremely boring movie.

As mentioned the movie is a mix of many things (I mean drama and mystery mix, mystery and horror, why not, but drama and horror? Its like if you mix cowboys and aliens, oh wait…). The Book of Blood tried to be so many things, please so many audiences, it got lost in translation. Characters and the overall story change in ways that make no sense what so ever. You also get the feeling that the actors are trying so hard to be cool, or weird, or creepy that it’s painful to see how they fail.

Well, at least Jonas Armstrong does look like a creepy junky

creepy junky

And by the way, this picture is not from the movie. That would have been f*** awesome, you know fulfillingly awesome. Creepy junkies fighting ghosts with flaming arrows in cheap medieval costumes. But no…

For example. The main chick has a bad dream, wakes up all horny, than the creepy dude goes up to her and does what needs to be done… and you are like “Wait, what?” She’s like twenty years older, a mature woman with a cause, and he’s a creepy homeless junky for the looks of it. But thats not all. For some unexplainable reason after their love story goes through a bunch of ridiculous obstacles (I mean, seriously, what did these plot twist ever lost in a horror film?), suddenly she becomes an evil TV-Hostes that makes millions telling stories from the dead :I

HORROR

The movie has a lot of mistakes, mainly it’s boring as hell. But the worse of them all is: The movie deals with the search of the paranormal, and tries to be a mystery about it. However, the movie starts with the most GRUESOME gore scene ever (and a relatively well done scene I may add), that you could imagine. And for the next one and a half or two hours, you are bored to death by these bunch of bad actors trying to find the paranormal. Well clearly, all mystery or tension is gone.

The only thing that helped me go through this terrible movie was the hope I had that, after being served such a horrendous GORE scene, I would at least be granted a second, even more horrifying scene to wash away the boredom. To compensate, to horrify, to consolidate director John Harrison as a master of gore and horror and what not. Sadly I was let down. Instead a slap of mediocrity in the face assaulted me when the movie ends.

VERDICT

It pains me to see such wasted potential and a weird horror movie that could have been a hidden jewel. Instead,

3 / 10

If you like gore you will like the first scene

If you are human you will be bored as hell

P.D. If I may add something. The initial scene of horror, could have been placed at the end of the movie. And instead of watching an unknown chick die, it would have been so much more gratifying to see the main chick, who was a flipping c*, piece of work, die. It would at least be someone we had grown to hate. On top of that, if for the duration of the movie, we would have been in the dark about the truth, it would have created some sort of tension, artificially if you like (the acting was truly abysmal) AND THEN WAM! The paranormal is proved true and dangerous through a horrible FINAL gore SCENE. Ta da!

Oh dear, get a hold of your face!

uh bad news

The starting horror scene was the movie’s worst enemy. It’ll keep you waiting for something more and yet disappoint you. Not only that, the movie tried to have drama, msytery and romance. IN A FREAKING HORROR MOVIE!

Finally. Well maybe the acting wasn’t so bad, I’m no casting director. And yet, if these dudes (and dudettes) didn’t convince me, an amateur, they didn’t do their jobs right. Meow!

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